I usually go out for a quick walk during lunch time.
It has become my daily practice to walk the 2.2km walkway near my office that leads me to food stalls, stores and the park.
I don’t really think about where I’m going, sometimes, I’d end up getting yogurt, other times, groceries. The last time I bought a spoon from a Daiso store.
But the best thing about it is the stillness it gives me. It clears my head.
Mainly because it’s the only time of day when I don’t have to be around people. It’s just me and all life around me.
And so I listen, I observe, I feel.
I allow myself to be.
Today felt different though, I wasn’t feeling myself lately.
Too much work, too much stuff to think about, too many decisions to make.
Honestly, I felt disconnected.
And so I decided to take a walk with God..
Each phase of my life is signified by a prayer. That’s how I know that I am being taught a lesson. That Life is ready to show itself and give me the wisdom that I need for that particular moment. And the prayer comes to me when I least expect it: from a church altar, a quote from a book, or sometimes a thought.
To give you an example, there was a point in my life where I had everything I thought I could ever want. The career, the salary, the relationship. I became so full of myself. I felt entitled and proud.
But God loves me so much that He couldn’t bear to watch me fall into complete destruction. That very same year, I lost the job, I lost the relationship, and I didn’t earn a single paycheck for 2 months.
He humbled me. He stripped me off of everything I thought was my identity.
Still, I know it was only a lesson I needed to learn. Just like in school, Life is a class. And the teacher is always silent during an exam.
Since then, I only asked God to give me what He sees fit. I asked him to show me how to pray for that particular moment. To show me what to ask of Him. And he answered:
“Search me, O God and know my heart. Test me, and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me. And lead me in the way everlasting. Amen.”
This prayer kept me humble. It allowed me to trust God to make way and prepare me for what He has called me to do.
I look at my life now, absolutely sure that whatever I have, the career, the relationships, is what God entrusts me with.
And so I walk, reminding myself of where I had been and what it took to get here,
And almost like a whisper, I received a new prayer:
“Lord, give me the grace I need for today”.
I stood there, quiet, looking up at the vast blue sky.
“Teacher, what is this trying to teach me now?”